T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

- The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.

- You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot’s phrase “electronic town hall” makes more sense than the term “information superhighway,” but you don’t because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.

- You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.

- You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

- You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.

- You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.

- Al Gore strikes you as an “intriguing” fellow.

- You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they are.

- While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

- You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say “I don’t know” when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.

- You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

-. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.

- You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better, the track ball or the track pad.

- You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don’t use a laptop.

- You email this message to your friends over the net. You’d never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-to-face.

- You don’t even read magazine articles anymore, unless someone’s keyed them into e-mail and forwarded it to you.

- While you’re away from home, the first three numbers you call are your voicenet, a bulletin board, and one of your e-mail accounts.

-You are reading this from a computer screen.

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

- You know Bill Gates’ e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.

- You stop saying “phone number” and replace it with “voice number,” since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.

- You sign Christmas cards by putting next to your signature.

- Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than .

- You back up your data every day.

- You print the itinerary of your vacation from a scheduler software.

- You pack the laptop computer first for any trip.

- You know more about the computer than about all of your friends.

- You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

- On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

Computers and Dogs: Same or Different?

– Favorite Food

Dogs: kibbles

Computers: bits

– Method used to end undesirable behavior

Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper

Computers: hit control-alt-delete

– After destruction of personal property

Dogs: dog not found

Computers: file not found

– Favorite trick

Dogs: roll over

Computers: play dead

– Comic-page hero

Dogs: Dogbert

Computers: Dilbert

– Fun way to mess with their heads

Dogs: peanut butter on roof of mouth

Computers: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive

– Consequence of virus

Dogs: replace valuable carpeting

Computers: replace valuable data

– Widely ignored government mandate

Dogs: leash law

Computers: Communications Decency Act

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

The Most Important Discoveries of Man

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

We’ve all (at least MS users) run into quite a few unexplainable and unexplained errors while trying to navigate any Windows OS computer.

Here are some ideas for NEW error messages that probably make more sense than the strange things that Microsoft pops up when things go wrong. They call it Haiku, but I think it is more Zen than that…

Haiku Error Messages

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
countless others exist

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Everything is gone;
Your life’s work has been destroyed.
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

Windows Seven crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again

The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Errors have occurred.
We won’t tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.

Server’s poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

All Computer guys should get a kick out of this one.

Software Conflict: Wife 1.0 Upgrade

Last year, after hearing how great it was for so long, a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 3.0 to Wife 1.0. He has found Wife 1.0 to be a resource hog, leaving him very little free space for other applications. Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Subroutines, which further consumes valuable system resources. His system performance and resources seem to diminish with each passing day. At first, he thought Wife 1.0 might be infected with a virus, but other users have assured him that Wife 1.0 is behaving normally and this behavior should be expected due to the nature of the application.

My friend also discovered that Wife 1.0 installed itself in such a way that it can monitor all other system activity. He now finds that some programs such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 5.1 and PubNight 7.0 cannot run at all. If he attempts to launch them, Wife 1.0 complains about a sharing violation and crashes. He finds this behavior strange since he could run these programs just fine before he upgraded.

At installation, he found Wife 1.0 provides no option to bypass the installation of undesired add-ons such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.

Some features he would like to see introduced in the upcoming Wife 2.0 release:

* A “Don’t Remind Me Again” button.
* A Minimize button.
* An Install Shield that allows Wife 2.0 to be uninstalled at anytime without the loss of cache or other system resources.
* An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode.

I have decided to forego all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking to Girlfriend 3.0. However, even that option has many problems. Apparently, you cannot install one version of Girlfriend before you completely uninstall the old version first. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend doesn’t work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. If the newer version finds a reference to the old version, Girlfriend will completely freeze until you reboot and remove the stray reference. I am told this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of.

Also, versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. Another thing that stinks — all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

***** BUG WARNING *****

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.0 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files and take all your cache before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0. will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

***** BUG WORKAROUNDS *****

If you can afford it, try installing Mistress 1.0 on an entirely different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0.

Another possible solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via an ISP under an anonymous name.

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

There are STILL people out there like this…

Computer Novices

Computer novices may feel like they’re alone these days, but the following call to IBM’s help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see you have an Aptiva” desktop unit.

Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: “Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe.”

Have you run into anyone like that?

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

How many of the villians can you get?

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

Smile! It’s Friday!

T.G.I.F.

The end of another week has finally arrived and it’s time to take a break from all the headaches and problems of the past 7 days.

Just a little something to help brighten your weekend and maybe put a little smile on your face to boot!

Smile! It’s Friday!